Saturday, June 4, 2011

Day 13- Feel good sunshiny day

Out of the house early on at 8am to stop by and pick up bananas for my final Biology class. I had a Kombucha, about a cup of strawberries and a 1/4 cup of my oatmeal ( I soaked oat groats for a few hours and then blended with banana, Cinnamon, vanilla almond milk and raw honey). There is a lot of inconsistent information on the internet about how many calories are actually in the oats and if they are raw. All I know is I have Bob's Red Mill oat groats, and I'm not cooking them and they are the whole oat. Super delish oatmeal though. I suppose I could email the company and ask them.

Every morning I wake up and I tell myself "I'm going to be 100% raw today!" And I'm not sure how to make myself stick to that. There is so much temptation in this house not to mention almost purposeful sabotage by family members. Ok maybe not that but feels that way.

I know I need to make a drastic change if I want to see a reduction in my weight, I'm constantly hovering between 151 and 155. EEEKS and yucky. I know I just had a baby 3 months ago. I know it took 9 months to put it on and I should expect 9 months to get it off but its hot outside and I want to wear shorts dang it. In fact, I want to wear other pants besides stretchy sweat pants!

Another issue I need to tackle is emotional eating. Really asking myself if I am really hungry or just eating out of boredom or stress. The latter is a big issue for me. Its stressful living here, constantly tiptoeing around everyone else and their moods and feeling like a burden. I know my parents want to help and they are but who wants to live with their 28 year old daughter, her boyfriend, their 2 grandsons, and my mom's mom AND every other weekend my boyfriends other 2 children?

Everyday I look at our budget and say "Gee, we could afford a small 1 bedroom if we really buckled down and made some cuts." But my unemployment is set to run out in the end of August and I start my MSW in September. We can't support ourselves just on my boyfriend's income. I could go back to work and do my master's but then who would we have watch Connor. It would cost a ridiculous amount of money for daycare and I DON'T EVER want to have to use daycare. I've worked that job! No way, no how. I'm not leaving my baby with strangers.

And if it somehow worked out and my mom, dad, sister and grandma could handle it (which is slim to none chance) he wouldn't receive the care we want. We want him to grow up vegan from the get-go and when he's older he can make his own dietary choice. No way no how would that happen. As soon as I stepped out the front door my mom would be giving him ice-cream. But I digress, somehow this post has turned into a rant.

I struggle with the inability to even think of leaving Connor but at the sacrifice of living here. He's my last baby, I'm his mother I need to be home with him and yet I feel guilty for not picking up more slack and earning money.

I need to snuggle Connor now and focus on how lucky I am to be able to do that. I'm going to kick butt at this Master's program and snag an awesome job that will make everyone proud and get my family into our own home.

Today's food run down:
Breakfast: Kombucha, strawberries, my oatmeal mix and a banana
Snack: Organic fruit leather, half an avocado
Lunch: 1 gardein "chicken" breast with 1/4c of melted Daiya
Snack: Will be fresh squeezed grapefruit juice
Dinner: Either green smoothie or salad with gardein "chicken" 

My supplements today: multivitamin, D3, chlorella, and DHA

No comments:

Post a Comment