“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
Oh broccoli, how I love you. Steamed with coconut oil and nutritional yeast. Yum, yum, in my tum. It was difficult to not open this blog post up with all the negative issues going on right now, but I felt that would just cause me to continue to focus on the negative and really I like being an optimistic person. This morning has felt like the universe was against us but we shall persevere I tell you!!! Leaving this house today is going to take tremendous effort, I really REALLY don't want to be around people today. It could also be the fact I need to buckle down, ignore Connor's crying and pump out a 5 page paper by tomorrow, or not.
Normally with this much stress, any type of "diet" would have epically failed hours ago but not so with this low carb. That has to be a great sign!!! Before I know it I'm going to feel like this:
I just needed to post that even though the loan has STILL not come in (hahahahahahha), today has been a good day in the eats department. Here is an example of one such low carb dinner that Connor and I gobbled up. Cooked broccoli with coconut oil and nutritional yeast and pan seared tofu with garlic. I am satisfied.
I don't need to harp on the fact that my loan has STILL not come in, instead I'm going to focus on this fabulous weekend. We had Hanna and Ollie over and spent a great Saturday at my nephew's 3rd birthday party at Odyssey. Then we hung out with my sister at her place until we had to pick up Oliver from work late that night. Then we had a great Sunday by going over to Oliver's parents home to have a super fantastic lunch of make your own healthier pizzas.
Let me backtrack here, while Saturday was fabulously fun the food aspect wasn't so much. I was hungry. I didn't have the foresight to pack something for myself, not that there is much at home I want (LOL) so what is a hungry girl to do? Indulge in the pizza that every other adult is eating at the party. Granted, I pulled off the meat. And it did have some fresh veggies on it! I had like 3 pizzas, sharing the veggies and pineapple and bits of the crust with Connor. I made sure he had a huge lunch before going to the party. Then came the cake time (Costco, vanilla with buttercream). I felt like such a hypocrite for not being able to say "no" and when it was asked if Connor was allowed to have any, I caved. I felt like a weirdo/food police mom. I made sure to limit it to about 5 bites. But the price was paid later. He has been vegan since birth with occasionally a bite of something not, usually by my family. He was up all night nursing more than usual and with really painfully loud gas. And then Sunday morning, I saw he had some baby acne. He's never had that. So, there are consequences for raising a vegan child and then caving into the peer pressure of having him fit in. I need a good kick in the head. I have completely let my goals and desires (not eating animal products) float to the wayside in my own stressed out waiting on money mindset. I let my own weakness affect my decisions on what Connor can eat.
With all this juicing business, I love juices. Absolutely. Juices, juices, juices. I miss my juices. However, when you are out of produce, you are out of juices. I've been contemplating my whole obsession over my weight loss. And when I think back to when I had the easiest time losing weight it has to have been when I did the Atkins diet. (GASP). But I wanted to update it to NO MEAT or animal products. I did some searching and came across this "Eco-Atkins" which is low carb vegan. It will definitely be tricky but I'm giving it a shot. I have some tofu in the fridge and some raw almond butter which is pretty low carb and some hemp protein powder that is basically just fiber. So I am giving that a go today. I'm going to be fairly restrictive at 20 carbs per day and just see how this feels. If there's any changes in nursing I will stop.
My brain is just all over the place this morning and I have yet to lift a finger to any of my school work, I even have a paper due this Thursday. My procrastination has me in its stupid clutches! Connor is now telling me I've sat at the computer too long and I should come care for him... So let me end with some cute pics of the kids.
Ollie and Hanna and the birthday boy Cody (3 years old now!)
Despite it being a bit chilly, the sun is gloriously shining. I made a yummy smoothie for breakfast this morning although I very much miss my green juices. It was:
-Hemp protein powder
-strawberry soy yogurt
Connor sat on the counter and helped me make it and then of course enjoyed a very generous serving himself. I'm off to Yoga soon and then have to buckle down and do some school work. My little "fog" seems to be passing although the loan HAS still not showed up and I'm having to borrow some money from my dad... BLAGGHHHHHH!!!!! I want to pick up Hanna and Ollie tonight. I miss them so much.
I'm slightly more optimistic than yesterday but still in a funk. The student loans are at the very earliest going to come in Saturday but they highly doubt it. And for the record, I'm tired of ramen. I'm officially out of produce and beans just did not sound good. But my tummy is so bloated. :( Wow what a whining blog post. It really is a nice day out today and I've had plenty of great moments watching Connor sing "eeeee iiii" to Oliver's "There was a farmer named Connor...."I haven't even touched my schoolwork the last 2 days. I'm assigning myself to the computer tomorrow. Today, I will pick Jake up from school, head to the parents and then proceed to use their lovely washer and dryer. hahahaha. Why can't the laundry do itself? The addition of a baby in the home quadruples your laundry. I used the last of the pears to make Connor a yummy dish: Blend up the pears with agave, a touch of soymilk and chia seeds. Let it sit in the fridge for a bit. He loves it!
Feeling a little better. Connor took a nice almost 2 hour nap. I got some snuggle time in with Oliver and then I treated myself to a honey mask (just slather honey on your face) LOL, I know that sounds weird but it makes for really soft skin afterwards.
I just want to take a moment to curse whoever came up with the Rocky Road candybar and top ramen. Ok. The loan has STILL not come in, leaving an overdrawn bank account and two very stressed out adults. I got 5 dollars in the mail yesterday for completing a census bureau survey and what did I end up buying? A candybar. Granted, I wouldn't have bought it, if Oliver's blood sugar wasn't low after work last night but I'm fully responsible for not just buying him something. I could have decided I didn't need it. So its about 10:45pm, we're finally home. I got the baby to bed. Hunkered down with my blasphemous candy bar and read the last 10 pages of the new Stephen King novel. And then promptly snuggled the baby and passed out. By the way, the book was phenomenal. I'm very satisfied with the ending.
I get up this morning and decide to nix going to the gym because the gas tank is low (pushing empty) and the loan has still not shown up in my sorry excuse of a bank account. I juiced about 12 apples today and have had some but I just reached a breaking point and reached for the freaking top ramen. Connor has kept me on my toes, hopping all morning. I just managed to get him to take a nap and all I could think about was sitting down with a warm bowl of comfort. 2 packages ramen (no seasoning packet), coconut oil, miso paste, and dried seaweed. I am weird.
I'm in a funk and I'm hoping the day gets better. I wanted to clean house and get some school work done but I have a feeling I may just stare at the computer.
I was going to attempt to title this blog "Day 1" but like Oliver loves to point out to me, it would be INSANE to keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. Plus, I feel I might jinx myself. I got an awesome phone call yesterday from my bestest friend Ansley and she was looking into doing a juice feast (2 days) and was at the grocery store stocking up and wanted some recipe/motivational ideas. *Puffs up chest*. I have no medical/nutrition background. I just read a lot and experiment on myself. But I felt really good that she called to ask that advice. One day I dream of incorporating my impending (2.5 more years left!) Masters in Social work with some type of holistic healing center and somewhere along the line I will pick up a nutrition degree as well.
Patterns. I have some serious patterns going on. I'm great with starting my day with juice, in fact I wake up CRAVING my juice and can not imagine any other breakfast. I'm pretty darn good with juice for snacks and lunch.. and possibly dinner but the night time is KILLING ME. Also my parent's house kills me. And its not all vegan. I try (really hard) to make it vegan but that's not always available. Enter: Top Ramen minus the flavoring pack and vegan Earth Balance butter and some garlic powder. Dear Sweet me. Throw in an awesome bowl I got for Xmas and chopsticks and I'm sold. I'm always eating after I put the baby to bed because a.) He's asleep!!!!! b.) I don't have to share, hahaha and c.) It's comforting.
Oliver comes home at 1030, he's playing his games on the comp and I'm wanting to snuggle down with Stephen King's 11/22/63. I know I should be snuggling down with my school work but but but but....
Ok and I'm waiting on a school loan to come in and money is tight so I'm a bit stressed so the last couple nights I've had Oliver bring me home some CANDYBARS! I'm talking Rocky Road and Hershey's cookies and cream. Agghhh blast!!!
Back to patterns, I eat (bad) because I'm stressed, bored, happy, needing comfort.... hmmm what is missing? OH! Because I'm hungry. I'm talking really physically hungry. Nope.
So with self awareness comes change right? My plan of attack? Breathing! Hmm. Blogging. I will make myself blog through my junk food craving. Ok. I like that. I can do this!
Ok getting ready to go to Yoga with my sisters. Oh the juice on crack!! = Chard, apple, celery, hemp protein powder, MSM and Kyo-Green powder. Woowee.
I can't believe I am sore from a 12 minute workout by Bodyrock. Why why why would I pay for a gym membership and make time to get there and back and workout for an hour when my muscles are saying I did an hour workout? Anyways, driving is not an option until this ice/snow goes away. So I'm thrilled to have found something inspiring. The thought of bringing out one of my bajillion workout vids (at least 45 mins) and navigating the front room with Connor underfoot was not very pretty. BUT for 12 minutes, Jake or Oliver can distract him for me.
So last night we had family movie (Coneheads, LOL) and I was so darn snacky and even though I felt "strong" in my last blog post I consumed some curry lentil soup and some veggie chips. Now I have two options:
1. Be hard on myself and let the negative line of thinking commence and shame myself all day long
2. Have some forgiveness and continue in a positive manner more befitting of my nature
I believe I shall go with Numero Dos. And another day commences. My goals today are:
Clean the bathroom
School work (specifically proposal and at least 2 pages of the Families paper)
In, positive thoughts. Out, massive junk food cravings. Last night ended with Connor and I making another batch of banana muffins.
So yesterday after I found out school was canceled, what did we do? Loaded up in the car and went and got veggie pho. I had a large veggie tofu pho minus noodles. Plus 2 tofu spring rolls. I have to admit, even thought it wasn't juice it didn't feel like "cheating." I ate veggies for goodness sakes. And it was satisfyingly warm and I got to enjoy being out of the house.
Today I've had more massive amounts of juice: Honey tangerine/spinach and Carrot/lemon and some green juice (chard, apple, lemon, celery, cucumber) and a DELICIOUS golden tomato juice (straight ya'll) and I was positively vibrating with energy and then I made Connor his lunch and kerplunk! I ended up making the rest of us my nummers mashed taters (yukon gold, coconut oil, coconut kefir, onion powder, pinch of himalayan salt, and vegan earth balance butter).
I then proceeded to put Connor and myself down for a nap. I was out for the count!!! I woke up groggy and heavy feeling.
When I read through my blogs, and I know my goal is to do 100% juice, it kind of looks like failure but I'm going to take the optimistic/positive route and say it is a learning experience. I also have to allow myself some slack as I am still breastfeeding a hungry little beast angel full time.
I have not been to the gym since last Thursday and I'm so feeling it. My goal is to do a 20 minute workout through. Alright I stopped typing that and told Oliver "watch the baby" and I just completed Bodyrocks' Fat fighter workout:
I am so freaking proud of myself. That was HARD and I won't lie. I had to stop SEVERAL times, I may have only worked out for 12 minutes but I'm sweating and shaking right now... 10 minutes after doing it. I just chugged water and my food cravings have subsided. I rock.
So yay! My Cultural Diversity class is canceled today. Great news, yes I am a lazy student and could not imagine driving out in the cold and ice tonight. Class doesn't get out until 9pm. On the other hand, I am cooped up with my boyfriend who has the next two days off. He committed to the 3 day juice feast which was SUPPOSED to start yesterday but yes he is a butthead. And today I have made all the juices, cleaned the kitchen several times while he sits on his butt playing his games. And HE'S WHINING!!
So last night I made the kids some "green mashed tatoes." I may have had a cup of it. SO freaking delicious. I don't have exact measurements and I wish I would have gotten a pic but roughly it was:
Coconut oil (hmmm theme here)
Pink Himalayan salt
It was a winner for the kids. Then I felt like baking (weird, right?) and had some bananas that were fast approaching well done so I threw together a what I had in the kitchen and ended up with some banging banana muffins. Once again I didn't measure but it roughly included:
Pink Himalayan salt
Apple cider vinegar
Vegan shortening- tiny touch
Definitely not the healthiest little muffin and I want to try out healthier flours but it was what I had. I kid you not, they were melt in your mouth muffins.
I woke up this morning really dragging though and felt excited at the thought of Juices: Day 1 (cue dramatic music)
I have had oodles of Kyo-green powder mixed with lemon water, I think it helps with sugar cravings. I've had some spirulina and my daily vitamins. So far I have consumed (in juice form):
Half a head of swiss chard
3 large cucumbers
3 large red apples
1/2 cup blueberries
1lb of carrots
1/2 cup parsley
1 1/2 head celery
Here is an interesting (frustrating) video that was shared on FB:
Today is Day 1 (tee hee) all over again BUT.... with Oliver's support. He has committed to a 3 day juice feast. I'm freaking excited. I have 1 paper to finish, 1 critical thinking worksheet and 1 small
presentation to come up with by tomorrow! I was on a roll yesterday but then I decided I could take a small break to play me some minecraft clean house and never got back to the homework. DOH. Connor is tearing apart my quasi office/now non existent dining room so I have to make this quick. So far I've had 16oz green juice (cukes, apple, chard, lemon) with Kyo green powder and lots of water. I've had my supplements (vegan b12, vegan DHA and Vitamin D2). Sipping on some green tea kombucha right now and gearing up for an hour of Yoga with the sisters at All star. Then it will be mad homework time.
So I had a good amount of days under my belt and then just fell off. I've had a good conversation with the boyfriend and I've politely let my family know that I'm going to try and isolate myself (as much as I can with school and kiddos) and I'm just jumping right back in!
I'm on day 3 of my liquid (mostly juices) feast. I feel GREAT!!! I'm not exactly sure what has changed over the last few weeks (maybe I'm finally so disgusted with myself) but I feel pretty strong willed. I did cave yesterday on Day 2 and share some kimchi with Connor (which HE LOVES). But other than that only juices and some smoothies. I made the most interesting concoction this morning.. fresh squeezed oj (about 4 oranges), a lime, some chia seeds and some apple cider vinegar. I'm positively buzzing right now. I'm off to the UWT health clinic for my second TB test, then stopping by the grocery store because I saw Fred Meyer's was having an excellent sale on produce. Then home to do some housework, then some school work, and then to get Jake from school, then to my parent's house and then to YOGA tonight. I need it badly. I'm stiff from yesterday's survivor workout. Ok now that I've ungushed my brain a bit, I can hardly sit still. Ciao.
I woke up this morning and felt this "aha" moment. Amidst all my daily chores and things that need Jess's touch, I juiced some oranges and spinach. And sipped on that all day. I've also had a kombucha and some choc hemp milk to up the calories as I was severely lacking. I don't want to jinx myself but I've felt so energetic and light today. I also did a salt water flush this morning but I'll blog on that later. I also did an hour of yoga. I am so damn proud of myself. I rock.