Monday, November 26, 2012

Smoothie overload and motivations and pondering various things....

Dinner consists of my 3rd smoothie today:
-So Delicious raspberry coconut yogurt (amazing steal from Grocery outlet, 50 cents a pop as opposed to $2)
-Raw meal protein powder
-Unsweetened almond milk

(So I started this post 2 hours ago. LOL......)

After dinner for the boys, a couple of shows and a couple of books read, I'm finally attempting to get back to this post. 

I've been trying to think long and hard about my inability to complete things I set out for myself.. I've tried several approaches:

1.) Being militant and strict-however I have a bit of a rebel in me and I sabotage myself in some sort of way
2.) Being forgiving and lenient- which then leads to all out binges and splurges

I've tried setting goals, thinking that I would blog or journal to help work through feelings but inevitably after a few days I lose interest and left life consume my time. I'm kind of at a loss as how to keep on track. I've come to the realization (having watched the scale not go down in a very long time) that I am an over eater. I am a night eater. I eat even when not hungry. I've thought about possibly seeing a counselor, joining a group???? I'm just not sure, I've joined several and then promptly did nothing with several raw vegan groups.  
I'm just not sure what it is that will finally get me back on track to where I want to be.

Every time I complain about not having anything to wear, Oliver tells me to buys pants that fit but silly me still wants to buy the size I wore pre-pregnancy and I yearn to wear all those clothes I have boxed up. 

But I'm going to let my optimistic personality over take me and convince myself that "trying" again will work, that I will continuously blog and I will set realistic goals for myself. 

I just feel weird now, blogging about this. And I have a ton of thoughts but I'm not eloquent enough to express them. Maybe it is the fact that Connor is screeching like a little banshee and asking for "boobs." 

That's it for now. In other news, my beautiful awesome daughter Hanna turned 10 today. It is so cool to watch her blossom into a super sweet young lady. We're going to have a skating party for her on Saturday... good times. 

I'm battling a slight headache right now, I've only had smoothies and tea today. And no its not crazy. I always check my calories and its a healthy number. I'm not by any means starving. In fact I'm not hungry. Not physically.. I just want to wind down with munchies after putting the boys to bed and watch a show= dangerous combination= no weight loss. 

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