Quickie morning post and honesty

This week has been a busy one. I had training in Suquamish yesterday and forgot I had class after but I went even though I really DID not want to go. The training was great, short, but insightful. Then the ICW Director took us to the casino for a buffet lunch. I wasn't so vegan there because I have not let go of my love of salmon and I had this amazing cream of spinach soup that really was delightful. Then I came home from class last night and was starving and my smoothies didn't look appealing. I heated up vegan sausages and smothered them in maple syrup. Yes this is why the weight lingers.... And now I'm up ready for another full day of training.. Connor is up literally hanging on my skirt... Breakfast and lunch are provided at the training so I'm committing myself to smoothies starting tomorrow morning. I only have supervision tomorrow for a little bit but then a full day of training on Friday and then I have to go pick up the kids in Mill Creek for the weekend. ... aghhhh had some more thoughts but now Connor is pulling my arm yelling "mommy, help." Off I go. :)

Smoothie overload and motivations and pondering various things....

Dinner consists of my 3rd smoothie today:

-So Delicious raspberry coconut yogurt (amazing steal from Grocery outlet, 50 cents a pop as opposed to $2)

-Raw meal protein powder

-Kale-

-Unsweetened almond milk

(So I started this post 2 hours ago. LOL......)

After dinner for the boys, a couple of shows and a couple of books read, I'm finally attempting to get back to this post. 

I've been trying to think long and hard about my inability to complete things I set out for myself.. I've tried several approaches:

1.) Being militant and strict-however I have a bit of a rebel in me and I sabotage myself in some sort of way

2.) Being forgiving and lenient- which then leads to all out binges and splurges

I've tried setting goals, thinking that I would blog or journal to help work through feelings but inevitably after a few days I lose interest and left life consume my time. I'm kind of at a loss as how to keep on track. I've come to the realization (having watched the scale not go down in a very long time) that I am an over eater. I am a night eater. I eat even when not hungry. I've thought about possibly seeing a counselor, joining a group???? I'm just not sure, I've joined several and then promptly did nothing with several raw vegan groups.  

I'm just not sure what it is that will finally get me back on track to where I want to be.

Every time I complain about not having anything to wear, Oliver tells me to buys pants that fit but silly me still wants to buy the size I wore pre-pregnancy and I yearn to wear all those clothes I have boxed up. 

But I'm going to let my optimistic personality over take me and convince myself that "trying" again will work, that I will continuously blog and I will set realistic goals for myself. 

I just feel weird now, blogging about this. And I have a ton of thoughts but I'm not eloquent enough to express them. Maybe it is the fact that Connor is screeching like a little banshee and asking for "boobs." 

Hmmmm. 

That's it for now. In other news, my beautiful awesome daughter Hanna turned 10 today. It is so cool to watch her blossom into a super sweet young lady. We're going to have a skating party for her on Saturday... good times. 

I'm battling a slight headache right now, I've only had smoothies and tea today. And no its not crazy. I always check my calories and its a healthy number. I'm not by any means starving. In fact I'm not hungry. Not physically.. I just want to wind down with munchies after putting the boys to bed and watch a show= dangerous combination= no weight loss. 

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Love love Iris's give-aways. Here it is:

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Been a while....

It's pretty frustrating to have reviewed my journal and not seen the scale go down in a very.. (very) long time. Ok Ok to be honest it may have gone up by like 2lbs. YIKES! I start each day with the best of intention..... and do really GREAT .. most of the day. For instance today looked like this:

Breakfast: Water, smoothie (Frozen mango, coconut water, raw cacao, matcha green tea powder, kale, spinach)

Snack: My special lemonade:  Water, juice of 1 lemon, apple cider vinegar, and stevia and a drop of grapefruit essential oil

Did 50 mins of Family Yoga (Connor likes to hop on our backs when we're in dogdog)

Lunch: Amy's Thai Coconut Tom Kha Phak with fresh celery and tomato chopped into it. Pretty damn good.

Dinner: Coconut milk blended with romaine and spinach and stevia. Romaine leaves stuffed with roasted red pepper hummus and sprinkled with raw pumpkin seeds.

Then all hell broke loose and my family came over to take us to Toy's R' Us and we then went to Krispy Kreme and I had 1 doughnut unglazed. THEN I came home and ate a bowl of leftover spaghetti that I made for the kiddos and I'm talking a HEFTY bowl. So here I sit here with a owie tummy and lots of remorse and guilt. Blah. So I'm slugging back the water and gonna give it a go tomorrow. AGAIN. :)